all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
