so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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