k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
