Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
How does it feel to date your dad?
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Randomize
