I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
