if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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