You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
