Your mouth is God's brothel.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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