do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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