I'm so fucking centered right now
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
