Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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