btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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