If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize