just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Never underestimate the power of titties
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
