Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Randomize
