I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
