Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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