you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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