i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
