Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
