so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
