i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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