Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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