I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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