come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Welp...herpes.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
