I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Randomize
