in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
