My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Randomize
