Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize