so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
