he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
