I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I am naked and annoyed.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
