i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
