i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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