you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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