There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I just want nice things and good sex
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
