this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
