And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize