She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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