Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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