another moral hangover. fuck.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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