I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
