Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
