Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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