I want you more than these girls want KFC
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
