im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Houston, we have a blender
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
