Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
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