i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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