I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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