i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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