thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
