I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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