During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
