why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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