I wish I only lived at night.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
