The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
