I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
you had me at cake vodka
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
