I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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