My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
i think i have herpe
just one?
and she was petting her beer can
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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