it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
