I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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