Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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