I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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