I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
