he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Welp...herpes.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
