bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
