I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
