I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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